If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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