It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
