You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
