So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
