she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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