; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
