in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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