It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
