i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
