I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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