the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
