threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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