It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
