drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
