Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
