When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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