I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
