I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
