well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
