Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
