still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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