We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
