So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
