I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
false alarm, still single
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