That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
