I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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