Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
