You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
