My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
