so that wasnt chicken after all
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
