he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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