You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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