My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
