Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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