I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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