We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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