I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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