He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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