I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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