Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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