I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
