please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
