I'm jealous of your bromance
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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