this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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