tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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