I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
