R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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