I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
