Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
