i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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