Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The adults are the big ones right?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
