Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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