How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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