I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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