I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
