So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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