I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i came on her dog
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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