i will never coherently bang her
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
