Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
