Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
