Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Drunk is not a location!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
