Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
